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Adrianna’s Story
A Mother’s Experience.
Another day, another first, (75 days and counting).
My son is the oldest of four boys, and nearing 40 years of age. If you were to ask me as little as 24 months ago, “How’s everything going with Ben?”, my answer would have been “my son is great. He has the ‘cat by the tail’. He’s married to a beautiful lady, the proud dad of two sweet pre-schoolers, owns his own home in a well-to-do neighbourhood, owns rental property, has a lucrative job, has a loving relationship with his family and has many friends.”
Well, if you were to ask me 18 months ago, “how’s everything going with Ben?”. Here’s my answer.
“Not good! His marriage has collapsed; his children’s lives have been turned upside down; he quit his job; he’s in bankruptcy; he has lost his matrimonial home and his rental property; he can’t pay his rent or his utilities. It was then I found out my son had a hidden talent. My son is a great actor. Always playing it really cool, and assuring me that in spite of his struggles, he’s managing really well, and I have no need to worry. (I live in Saskatchewan, so I didn’t see the despair he was experiencing).
Trust your Intuition
There is nothing stronger than a mom’s intuition. Even when I was in denial, my intuition kept tugging at me. Being 3,000 kilometres from my son gave me an excuse to ignore the signs that were creeping into reality. But I’ve been a mom long enough to know my gut instincts usually prove right. His excuses for his loss of job, loss of material things, and his withdrawal from family and friends, were just not believable any more.
My feelings of fear, confusion, and anxiety were overwhelming. But Ben was so good at pretending everything was okay, that I actually believed him and began doubting my instincts, and thought I was just being paranoid. After all, he does sound happy? I guess, for my own selfish reasons, I wanted to believe him, and I did.
Time for the Truth
My sister and Ben, have always been very close (more like brother and sister). Over the past few months, I noticed there was a mysterious void between them. She finally broke her confidence with Ben and told me she knew Ben had a problem with drugs (Oxycontin). Instantaneous numbness swept over me. My husband and I had just watched a TV documentary about this drug with a funny nickname of “hillbilly heroin” and we thanked our lucky stars that none of our kids had a drug problem.
And now, I’m hearing those words over the phone. “Ben has a drug problem.” I closed my eyes and felt my body go weak, and then my mind sprung into many different directions, all colliding with each other ”what do I do”, “how do I do”, “when do I do” , “what is this uninvited evil thing” , “is Ben going to be ok?”, “should I confront him now, or later?”.
I started to do research of this miserable drug, and I hated everything I learned. I still wasn’t sure when I should approach my son. I thought, maybe I should wait until he calls to tell me he has a problem (yeah right), after all, my sister probably just has an over-active imagination and there really wasn’t a problem. But in reality, it all added up to “we have a problem, a serious problem that isn’t going to go away by ignoring it”.
I phoned a toll-free drug help-line and talked in length to learn everything I could about oxycontin. I wrote pages full of information. I was given some avenues to think about, and references of some excellent treatment centers. At the top of the list, was the Hamilton Natural Detox Sauna Centre (now Turning Point). I researched a few other centres on the internet, but really, really liked what Turning Point had to offer. The only hesitation I had was the cost. Ben obviously is penniless, and I’m about to retire with a small pension.
With some knowledge under my belt, I felt it was time to confront Ben. He admitted he had a problem, but assured me he could to take care of it. He can quit any time, and in fact he already self-detoxed once, but “accidentally” relapsed. Ben would not hear of going anywhere to get professional help. He was still in control and his problem wasn’t that bad. Going to a treatment centre was out of the question. He didn’t object to my offer to come to London to help him detox. He actually was looking forward to it, because he really did “hate” being a prisoner to this drug. The detox was rough, but he did it! (and this time he would stay clean for good)!. I went back to Saskatchewan feeling relief that everything from here on in would only get better. After all, Ben promised!
It wasn’t long before I noticed that the old haunting patterns of Ben’s withdrawal from family and friends, and my difficulty in reaching him by phone, were creeping in again.
The worries had all returned. I felt uneasy, anxious, scared, hurt, can’t sleep, can’t work, can’t think. My anxieties were telling me we were reaching a danger zone. I phoned the Hamilton Detox Sauna Centre and spoke with Tammy, who gave me two hours of her time and patience in trying to calm me and giving me words of hope. (Thank you Tammy). I booked a room for Ben at the Centre.
First thing the next morning, I confronted Ben by phone and asked him if he was back on oxycontin. He started to cry, and told me “yes“ and that things were so bad, that he had already been having thoughts of ending his life. He probably wouldn‘t have lasted the weekend. (He was incredibly stunned at my timing.) I told Ben to pack a bag, and say his goodbyes to his children, because by tomorrow, he would be in Hamilton detox. Ben was finally ready.
I was so relieved to leave Ben in the hands of the Detox Center staff. For the next four to six weeks he was cared for emotionally, spiritually, and physically. The centre is not a “band-aid” treatment centre. Their mission is to start the healing process. They strive to get to the root of each individual’s hurts and to the core of their being. In this safe environment, Ben learned to find peace within himself, and learned how to live surrounded by positive energy, and was given life-long tools to live a positive constructive life.
I don’t want to give the illusion that being at the Detox Centre is a magical guaranteed cure, because there’s nothing magical about it. It’s a lot of hard work and determination. But I do credit the Centre for finding and returning my Ben. And in my opinion, as a result of Ben’s stay in Hamilton, his chances of relapsing have gone from 99 percent down to five percent. How great is that!
Ben has been home since just before Christmas. It’s now the beginning of February. Ben has his own personal support group, as well as continued monthly counseling and support from the Hamilton Natural Detox Centre. Ben’s family relies on Ben to help rebuild their trust in him again, and as well Ben relies on his family for their trust and support. Each day that goes by, adds more strength to building a more solid foundation in Ben’s life. I know Ben has the wisdom, willpower, love, and belief to make this work.
Okay, now ask me today “How’s everything going in Ben’s life?”.
My answer IS “WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL”!
Thank you John, Tammy, Butch, Samantha, other staff members, new friends from the centre, and his support group.
Adrianna
P.S.
Remember me saying the money was an issue?
And if you’re thinking the money is an issue…..you’re wrong.
Many of us would spend $13,000 on a fantastic trip. How long would this trip last - a month?
Well this money did go towards a trip…..the best trip of all, and it will last a lifetime!!
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