Posts Tagged ‘recovery’
Monday, April 30th, 2012
Addiction is often described as a spiritual sickness, the same could be said for aggression and depression. What all these have in common is isolation and being cutoff. Spirit implies a connection between things or persons or another. In all these examples there is no connection between the individual and the outside world. The thought process is entirely within their head with no relationship to another.
It goes further than this, the spiritually sick person is not connected with themselves. Often they live in thought with no connection to their feelings. They are cutoff from their own essence and end up feeling ashamed of themselves and resentful of everything and body else.
We all have a life force if it is absent there is just a void. The universe is designed for connection, the cutting of that connection can only lead one way to further disconnection. At the same time part of the self rebels against that, the isolated are needy looking for connection, and get into co-dependent relationships, the angry person craves agreement which if it doesn’t come he attacks and alienates the other, leading to more isolation, the food addict consumed by a sense of hopelessness feeds themselves for comfort, the alcoholic is lost and drinks to forget, the crack addict desperate for intimacy can only do it when getting high, the depressed person craves self esteem and approval because they don’t see anything of value in themselves.
Connecting with that spirit is essential for recovery, it is the disconnect that caused the sickness in the first place. Whatever it looks like: a warm touch, a smile, an acknowledgement of a sensation or feelings, a blunt comment followed a moment of clarity all equal connection and a route to wellness and turning away from sickness.
Nigel Turner, B.S. (Econ), H.S.C., Member OACCPP
Nigel works with men who have addiction, anger, emotional and relationship issues.
His style is compassionate and direct. With a background in addictions, he pursued an interest in men with addictions and relationship problems. He was trained in the Partner Abuse Response (PAR) Program and works extensively with the courts with mandated clients. Nigel understands the male psyche and what a man needs to hear to move forward with solutions to his own problems. He is conscious of the deep reluctance men have in dealing with these issues and the importance of a man discovering for himself what he needs to do. Nigel’s time limited work with the court mandated clients has given him clarity and efficiency in identifying clients’ issues, and in helping them not only find solutions to their problems but to begin to enact necessary changes. The focus is on brief rather than long term therapy.
Monday, April 30th, 2012
Writing with complete transparency, Rubie has courageously walked through healing and by turns offers readers to do the same by reflecting through his poetry.
ONTARIO, Canada (PRWEB) April 26, 2012
On his dedication page, poet Gary Rubie writes, “to every alcoholic and addict that suffered, recovered and still suffers, I hope for serenity, courage and wisdom.” The same serenity, courage and wisdom can be found in the interstices of Out On A Cliff, an intricately-weaved anthology of lyrical prose which takes readers into an intense journey into Rubie’s mind, providing a glimpse into his soul’s darkest hole.
Rubie’s journey to writing poetry began just over seven years ago as a method of journaling. With no formal training he found solace in rhyme. It was a therapeutic way of putting his feelings on paper about the struggles and challenges he faced during his policing career and in dealing with severe job related trauma (P.T.S.D.) and his addictions.
Each metrical piece in Out On A Cliff are based on Rubie’s real life experiences –. From growing up, suffering abuse, to his 25-year career as a city cop, surviving deep depression, suicidal thoughts and attempts at his own life and then managing crippling job related Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This all lead him through his own Dante’s Inferno, the darkest hole imaginable of addictions, his own incarceration and his eventual victorious recovery. Rubie asked his father two years ago if he would consider drawing images to go with each poem. Confident in his son’s adroitness in poetry, Henk Rubie agreed to do a collaboration between father and son.
Rubie further wrote, “If one poem touches one person and stops that one person from ending their life, or gives one person hope, or keeps one person sober for one day, then all the hard work, honesty, and hours of painful soul-searching that went into creating this book was worth it.”
As Cornwall Chief of Police Daniel C. Parkinson puts it, Rubie has taken the lid off the Pandora’s Box of policing and allows readers to peek into its harrowing side. Writing with complete transparency, Rubie has courageously walked through self-healing and by turns offers readers to do the same by reflecting through this candid volume.
For more information on this book, interested parties may log on to http://www.Xlibris.com.
About the Author
Gary Rubie was born in Kitchener, Ontario, Canada in 1962. He joined the Peel Regional Police Department in 1984 where he served for 25 years on a variety of front line and plain cloths units. He enjoyed many successes in his career being recognized 64 times with letters of appreciation from the public, police commendations and awards. He continued his studies taking 33 job related courses over his career. In 2008 in his 25th year of policing he was diagnosed with job related career ending Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and was placed on permanent disability.
Henk Rubie was born in the Netherlands in 1931 where he was educated and joined the air force for 2 years. He worked as a toolmaker until he married his wife of 53 years Antonia Rubie. Together they immigrated to Kitchener, Ontario, Canada in 1959 where they raised three children. Henk worked as a skilled machinist for years in the RMS Machinery Division, at the Uniroyal tire manufacturing facility in Kitchener. He retired in 1991. A hobby boat builder and artist he further honed his artistic skills and began oil painting, creating intarsia wood crafts and continued building scaled model sail boats.
Out On A Cliff* by Gary Rubie and Henk Rubie
Publication Date: April 17, 2012
Trade Paperback; $19.99; 314 pages; 978-1-4691-8114-1
Trade Hardback; $29.99; 314 pages; 978-1-4691-8115-8
eBook; $3.99; 978-1-4691-8116-5
To request a complimentary paperback review copy, contact the publisher at (888) 795-4274 x. 7879. To purchase copies of the book for resale, please fax Xlibris at (610) 915-0294 or call (888) 795-4274 x. 7879.
For more information, contact Xlibris at (888) 795-4274 or on the web at http://www.Xlibris.com.
Monday, April 9th, 2012
What role, if any, did prescription drugs play in the death of Whitney Houston? Was she one of millions of Americans who misused or abused her prescribed meds? Abuse of prescription drugs is up 400% in the last decade so It’s Your Call looks at the reasons why, provides warning signs for possible misuse, and offers treatment/recovery options.
Wednesday, March 14th, 2012
On a daily basis I am asked questions about Addiction. With so much information out there, it can still be very confusing for one to find an answer that fits their specific question. Sometimes these questions come from family members, concerned friends, employers, fellow employees, Physicians’, counsellors, clergy, School Principals, Associations, Police Officers, Lawyers, and just about every walk of life.
The reality is Addiction affects everyone. There isn’t anyone who doesn’t know someone who is addicted. It might be your neighbour, school friend, secretary, boss, son, daughter, husband, father, mother, brother or sister. They may or may not be asking for help.
The confusion lies in what to do.
With so much contradictory information out there, who do you trust.
I don’t have all the answers, but I am a good listener and a good researcher….. I speak to those in recovery, those actively who are actively using, those that are trying to help them with medical or non-medical support, and those that are enabling them and preventing them from reaching for help.
Some believe that they just have to want it bad enough to get the help they need and others believe that their “sick” minds will preventing them from accepting the help, even when it is right in front of them.
So I have been asked to address some of these questions and hopefully provide you with my twist on what I might see as a solution to your dilemma, or offer some feedback that encourages you to make some changes, or lastly to have you maybe look at an alternative way of dealing with the situation that you keep finding yourself in.
I guess I can be Good Cop and Bad Cop….I want you to pretend for a minute that I am in your kitchen and we are having a cup of tea and just chatting about life. As a friend, I will listen to your question and give you my honest answer. You can take it or you can leave it. No harm, No Foul.
I thought I would share a couple of standard questions that are presented to me on a daily basis, just so we can get the ball rolling and you can digest my answers and see if I am the type of friend that you feel comfortable being honest with……. and if so, then forward your question to my column “A CUP of T”
I suspect my son is using drugs. He is 21 years old and lives at home with us. He has been hanging out with some new friends and is very angry all the time with us. He yells and screams that we aren’t giving him space and we are causing him to be angry. He is not working and sleeps all day and goes out all night. I wait up for him as I am worried and cannot sleep until he gets home. When he is home, he stays in his bedroom. What should we do?
Ok he is 21years old and ruling your home with his schedule. He has a right to his own friends, his own schedule. BUT you have right too. I would suggest you sit down with him and tell him what your house rules are. No-one lives anywhere for free. Friends would not put up with this for sure. He needs to work or be in school. If he is not working then he needs to be focused on obtaining a job… any job and in the interim…he needs to volunteer. He needs purpose! He also needs to share in the household responsibilities. Lastly, I would also suggest purchasing a few drug kits. (in case one gets spoiled) and asking him to do a urine test as you suspect he is using drugs. Outline to him that “your” home is drug free. If he refuses to do drug test…. then he must leave. If he tests positive, then you need to figure out how he is going to get some help.
My husband just got charged with a DUI and is in jail, what should I do to help him.
You cannot fix the problem. Only he can. You can be there to support him if he chooses to get some help with his drinking… but that is all. Do not baby him or believe that he has learned his lesson and will never drink again. He needs help with his addiction and must be open to seeking help. Provide him with options for treatment and then see what he does. He needs to want this more than you do.
Understandably when I speak to people of the phone, it is not as black and white as these answers, but I think you get the gist of my message. So, please forward any questions or concerns that you might have to me and I will do my best to provide you with a honest and open answer. I invite you into my home for a Cup of T
written by Tammy Francoeur
Wednesday, February 9th, 2011
by Glynis Sherwood
Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships - Steven R. CoveyOne of the most common requests I get for counselling is to help people with their relationships in recovery from addiction. This can mean anything from repairing current relationships to developing healthier connections in the present and future. Sometimes the threat of losing a partner can be the catalyst for getting into recovery. Whatever the starting place, ultimately it is the addicted persons desire for a better life, including healthier relationships as a center piece, that will sustain their recovery.
There can be no doubt about it, relationships are hurt by addiction. From the constant fear of losing a loved one to addiction, and possibly death, to financial chaos, and the loss of trust and intimacy, addiction drives a wedge between loved ones. Partners of addicts often talk to me about the difficulty overcoming feelings of betrayal, as it seems like their loved one has been ‘having an affair’ with their substance or compulsive behaviour of choice. The secrecy and lies that are a hallmark of addictive behaviour compound that sense of being cheated on. Addiction results in a loss of intimacy as the energy that was formerly invested in the relationship is stolen by addictive behaviour. From my experience, rebuilding trust in intimate relationships can be one of the biggest but most rewarding of recovery challenges.
What are the steps to rebuilding relationships in recovery? There are parallel paths for people in recovery and their loved ones.
For the recovering person:
As with the addictive process itself - avoid minimizing and denial of the problem. Acknowledging that addiction has hurt your loved ones, even if you have trouble seeing this clearly due to memory being clouded by addiction, can be the first vital step towards healing the relationship
Apologize for the hurt, and listen emphatically to your loved ones concerns, fear and anger
Realize that it will take time to rebuild trust. Learn to cultivate patience
Acquire new communication skills, including being direct about what you feel and need.
Define a vision for a better life with your partner, and - together - map out how to get there
Seek counselling to overcome psychological difficulties that led to addictive behaviours, and leave you vulnerable to relapse
Become a more active parentFor loved ones:
Understand that your hurt is normal. Build hope by focusing on your long term goal - i.e. to reconnect positively with your loved one in recovery
Learn helpful communications strategies, including being assertive and setting healthy limits. Stop any enabling behaviours such as overcompensating for your recovering loved one
Refocus on yourself. Pursue individual and family activities that are a source of fulfillment and happiness
Talk with your recovering loved one about your hopes for your future relationship, and agree on mutual steps to take to get thereFor both the recovering addict and loved ones, staying committed to the overall well being of oneself and the relationship is key. If the going gets tough, consider attending couple and/or family counselling to rebuild, stabilize and strengthen your relationship.
Thursday, November 25th, 2010
Cultivating a more ’spiritual’ life can lead to greater peace of mind, less stress and better health.
Stress has long been associated with increased risk for illness including serious health problems such as heart disease. The reason? Stress, particularly if it is chronic or prolonged, can weaken the immune system. It can also lead to excessive use of alcohol and drugs which decreases productivity, depression and a lower quality of life in general.
While a certain amount of stress is inevitable (and to some degree, it can be argued, a positive force for motivation), healthier lifestyle habits — such as regular exercise, a nutritious diet, adequate sleep and strong social connections — can help you to manage dangerous levels of stress without using alcohol or drugs as a means of lessening your level of stress.
Another way to relieve stress, experts say, may have something to do with spirituality. While studies on the effects of religious belief and prayer on health and healing have produced mixed results, experts say that living a more ‘spiritual’ life can lead to better stress relief and overall mental health.
So what exactly is spirituality? While it can mean different things to different people, at its core, spirituality is generally thought to be what helps to give a person’s life context. It is not necessarily connected to specific religious worship or belief, but instead is the sum total of a person’s individual value system, connections with others, and search for life’s meaning. Spirituality can be manifested in a variety of ways including religious observance, meditation, prayer, family life, nature, music or art.
How is it good for you?
Spirituality offers a myriad of benefits for stress relief and overall mental health. According to the Mayo Clinic, it can help by:
Providing a sense of purpose. Cultivating your spirituality can help you define what is most meaningful in your life. And if you are able to identify and stay focused on what’s truly important to you, it becomes easier to put things that are less important in perspective and thereby, reduce stress.
Facilitating a connection to the world. If you feel you have a purpose in the world, you’ll feel less isolated and solitary, even if you’re alone. Feeling a part of a greater whole not only provides a sense of inner peace, but it also helps you to release responsibility — and worry — for things you have no control over.
Expanding your social support network. Whether you express your spirituality by attending a church, mosque or synagogue, in your family life, by volunteering in your community, or by taking walks with a friend through nature, this sharing can help to build and strengthen relationships. Strong social connections have been linked with less stress, as well as improved health and longevity.
Leading a healthier life. People who consider themselves spiritual are not only less stressed, but they appear to be able to heal faster from illness and addiction.
Ways to cultivate spirituality
Looking for a more fulfilling spiritual life? Try these 4 tips:
Seek inspiration. Read inspirational books, stories or essays to help you evaluate different life philosophies. Try to connect with others whose spiritual lives you admire — and don’t be shy about asking questions about how they found their way to a more fulfilling spiritual life. Keep a journal to record your thoughts and insights.
Think positive thoughts. Even during difficult times, it’s important to try to maintain an optimistic outlook and to see the good in people and in yourself. Studies have shown that people with a ‘positive emotional style’ are not only happier, but do better at warding off stress and illness. Try to focus on positive steps to find solutions to your problems, such as talking to a trusted friend or advisor.
Reach out to others. Life, at times, can seem overwhelmingly busy, but make it a priority to nurture your relationships with family and friends. Contribute to your community by volunteering. If you’re feeling anxious or stressed, don’t suffer in silence. During difficult times, it’s particularly important to reach out to your network of friends, family, co-workers and other people for practical help or a sympathetic ear.
Practice relaxation techniques. Get in touch with your inner self — and reduce stress at the same time — with good relaxation techniques such as yoga, deep-breathing exercises and meditation. Or simply give yourself a relaxing evening by turning off the news and your cell phone, and tuning into a good book or your favorite relaxing music.
These are just a few thoughts and suggestions to consider instead of turning to alcohol or drugs. As well these are options to use to maintain your recovery from addiction.
Brenda Herzog B.A.Psych.,ADLC, Bs.SAAC
*information source Mayo Clinic studies on stress and addiction
Thursday, November 25th, 2010
After 21 years of using and abusing drugs, I found myself hopelessly in need of help if I was to go on living. My career as a professional substance abuser had come to an unexpected end. Shortly after I realized I could get the help I needed I found myself on a plane headed across the Country. My life had become a foggy haze over the last decade. I went through the motions of my daily life hoping a miracle would happen and save me from the trenches of my zombie- like existence. I thought I was doing fine up until then, I still had my business of 10 years and I still had a few superficial material items, I thought to myself “ I haven’t lost it all…yet”. But I had really lost the most important thing a long long time ago. Me. My 42 days at turning point have literally erased all the guilt, pain, and self hate that I had carried around for over 20 years. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined the transformation I’ve undergone. My success story is one I could write a thousand different ways but in short it is my birth and the beginning of my life. Chris
Thursday, November 25th, 2010
I came to turning point after relapsing with Cocaine after roughly 4 ½ - 5 years clean. I had previously participated in counseling and rehabilitation. What I have learned here about myself is going to be invaluable over the remaining years of my life. I am now aware of my emotions and aware of how they can dictate my behavior “if I allow them to”.
One of the best realizations I have come to is that I don’t have t go this alone, as I always assumed. The two year aftercare, even though I haven’t yet started it, will be my support and safe venue to open up about my new experiences. This program has allowed me to get much healthier in mind and body, which is a huge weight, lifted of my back. All I can do now is have a positive outlook on my daily interactions and I know I’ll be alright. A.W.
Thursday, November 18th, 2010
Taylor Argent Legacy Foundation
“THOUGH NO ONE CAN GO BACK AND MAKE A BRAND NEW START,
ANYONE CAN START FROM NOW AND MAKE A BRAND NEW ENDING”
Its 4:00 am in the morning for the 100th time, a car drives by. You leap out of bed, as you weren’t sleeping anyway and run to the window, your heart racing. Never mind, it just kept going, yet another false alarm. As you turn around you see a shadow watching you from the couch, sitting in silence. It is your wife. There is no need to ask her what she is doing, as you know. The streaks running down her cheeks tell it all. All you can do is sit, blame yourself, blame each other, and blame life. Where did we go wrong, why did this happen to us, we are good people? You think back at what once was and your heart stutters as you retrace your steps. You are tired and exhausted. Your heart bleeds as it has been ripped open for the hundredth time. You have tried everything from house arrest, to psychologists, counselors, new schools, day treatments, short term recovery programs, friends, family, the police, the hospitals, the doctors, yet there is nothing. You are helpless. The sneaking out has now turned into walking out. The phone calls have stopped. You hear a siren and take a deep breath for you think the phone will ring any moment, the bearer of bad news. You are defeated and do not know what to do. Your family, your marriage, your world has fallen apart. All you can do is hold hands and cry for you know the outcome. You are ashamed, you are embarrassed, and you are helpless. You are alone.
It’s 5:00am and a car drives by for the 100th time. It stops and you hear a door slam. You know what’s coming, for you have seen it before. You are angry, sad, and happy for you know that the person walking through the door is not your child but the shell of what once was. It is a sickness, a lost soul and you know what must be done, but you’re hands are tied. You are a spectator forced to watch, eyes wide open. Today is different though. Today there is a cry for help, “I cannot do this anymore, please do something, help me”.
As a mother and father, there is a glimmer of light. Today we will save our child; yes son, I promise today we will get you the help.
You don’t sleep, you watch the clock and when the time comes, you are first in line, pleading with a counselor that today is the day when my child has come home. Today is the day we saved our child from the only fate that this evil addiction delivers. You feel elated and actually smile. It is at this moment, the counselor tells you that yes, we can get your loved one help and yes, we will put your loved one in a treatment facility…I think we can admit him in maybe 2 or 3 months. The world spins, you are numb and the walls are closing in for you know that in 2 or 3 months, your child could be dead. The counselor knows this as well but her hands are tied for the system is overloaded. Addiction is rampant, numbers are on the increase. This does not ease the pain of the blade that has just been thrust into your heart. The counselor sees this and informs you that there is an alternative in private care where admittance is immediate. Yes, that is the answer, for you know and they know that care must be immediate. There is still a chance after all.
You race home, grab the phone and dial the number. It is explained to you exactly what the program consists of, the length of stay and that they can get him in right away. You tell them thank you and how soon can I be there. Before you hang up, you ask them as it is a private facility how much? You are stunned; your head swims with the number. You hang up. There is nothing left.
A car drives by for the hundredth time. You know she is sitting up crying. You join her, hold hands and cry together.
This might not be you but I guarantee this is happening right now in your neighborhood.
Kim and I wrote this story 3 years ago but at the time felt it was too personal, too private and one that only belonged to us. When we finally found the courage to tell it last November at our annual gala, immediately afterwards a mother slowly approached us, looked up and…”That was me you were talking about sitting in that chair that was my son”. Later that same night, another family told Kim and I of their harrowing ordeal just weeks before when one night they received a call from the RCMP who were at the hospital with their child who had just suffered an overdose of Ecstasy and might not make it.
We could easily be your friends or your neighbors. Maybe we are the other parents on your child’s sports team, the ones you see at your children’s school. We are parents just like you, loving, caring, nurturing.
What is the gift of hope?
The dictionary describes hope as, “feeling of expectation and desire for something to happen”. As parents, need we say more? After years of struggle, heartache and defeat, we need not you tell how important this word is in one’s life. How many of us have asked for a second chance. Today, we have the power to grant that wish.
This is why we started this Foundation to save a life, to help one family. We are so thankful today that we had Taylor back for a couple of months. We cannot imagine how much harder it would be if we could not have been able to afford to get into treatment immediately. In the last 3 years we have met families in our home, met them at meeting places coming in from Edmonton to Calgary, Rimbey to Stettler and all places in between, we have picked up these lost souls from the hospital and transported them directly to treatment after they have all but given up after being told the waiting list will be months for Government facilities. We have stepped in when families have given up on them and will not financially help them anymore. Most of them are in their twenties and already have a hard time functioning in society today; all of them need help, all are lost and all of them are someone’s son, someone’s daughter. We stay in touch and follow up after treatment, to lend a supportive word, to give encouragement, to let them know they count.
In Taylor’s memory to date we have raised just over $100,000 and have helped change many lives. This does not include the people we have personally directed to a center for treatment that did not require financial aid but just needed to get their loved one into recovery, someone to talk to, some guidance, some support. This does not include those we have sat and talked with. Parents that needed to be told they are not alone in this, families that are suffering themselves at this very moment. Kim and I spoke openly and bared our souls at Taylor’s funeral. That night we were paid a visit by a distraught mother, whose family was on our path, living our very same nightmare, following just a few steps behind with their own child.
WE MAKE A LIVING BY WHAT WE GET BUT WE MAKE A LIFE BY WHAT WE GIVE.
To sit and watch families celebrate the graduation of their loved ones from treatment and hear their success stories breathed life into what seemed like an otherwise meaningless world.
The foundation itself has a mandate. To help those in need, to bring relief to families that are so desperately looking for help and to raise the public’s knowledge of the harmful effects of alcohol and drugs, many of which most of us know little about. Every penny donated to this cause goes directly to help the individuals. We tell of our story and of the final outcome to the choices they are making. We show them we care and we offer what most having been missing for so long… a hug.
Unconditional acceptance of each other is one of the greatest challenges that we humans face. Few of us have experienced it consistently; the addict has never experienced it – least of all from himself.
Over twenty young men and women, sons, daughters, mothers, sisters and brothers from right here in Alberta have been helped in the last 3 years. Numerous people and in turn families in distress were given relief and hope. To make a difference in one person’s life is a gift that everyone should feel, the gift of hope. Our goal is to have enough funds to not have to turn anyone away. Right now, we have limits to the funds available and so we are currently trying to focusing on young people under the age of 30 for they are our future, although we will turn our backs on no one. Our dream is one day never having to make that decision.
IF YOU THINK YOU ARE TOO SMALL TO BE EFFECTIVE, THEN YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN IN BED WITH A MOSQUITO.
Addiction is a disease that is rampant within our community; it has now reached out and touched each and every one of us in one way or another. We all need a second chance and to witness what this gift of hope can do and see the change in these young men & women from the shell that they once were to the sons & daughters once lost is one of great joy. This foundation could easily be called “families helping families”.
We might not be able to help everyone everywhere but we can help someone somewhere.
Charity is described as benevolent goodwill toward or love of humanity; generosity and helpfulness toward the needy or suffering, aid given to those in need. It is through your kindness that perhaps we can help a family in need, a person wanting to make a change.
Please visit our website @ www.taylorargentlegacyfoundation.org
Mike and Kim Argent