It was six years ago, a moment of weakness took my life into a hopeless downward spiral. In those six years was a nightmare of drug addiction and despair. For six years I lived in frustration, rage, and fear. It seems that in this time nothing went right at all. I was living a life that was not intended for me.
I was the kind of guy that really took care of his body and now I was abusing it. I knew I have to get clean, I also knew that I needed to get clean. This knowledge was the easy part. When I thought about acting on it though I felt trapped and hopeless. I looked at myself in the mirror one day and wondered who I was. I still had a family that stayed behind me even after all the things that I did to them, I lost my girlfriend why I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and also lost many friends during this journey, and essentially gave them up to chaise a high. I had been giving so much, but yet I found my life reduced to this, a series of highs and a room in my mother’s house at the age of 29. I realized to myself that this was not life that this was not living; I had lost the joy that came with being an honest man. I missed all the little things that life has to offer. I pretty much just missed life all together.
It was not the first time during my journey that I had theses realizations, but it was the first time that they really hit home. I really came to realize that it was the first time I understood or chose to understand how directly and personally I was hurting people I loved. I made the decision to surrender. My problems were too big for me and I came to realize that I could no longer kid myself into believing I could solve them myself. I could no longer fool myself into believing i’d get around to straightening up after just one more high. I could no longer fight alone.
In the past my response to helplessness would have been to use, but this time I started to pray, with tears in my eyes I asked God for help. I revealed to him my weakness and told him I was ready to live for him. And, sound crazy or not, everything just started to fall into place. I found Turning Point and I started to take my recovery piece by piece. My face started to fill out again, the dead look in my eyes was replaces by something resembling the person I used to be. I was broken but I was healing. Piece by piece I was healing. Day by day went by and everything got easier, I could feel the strength returning to my body and I enjoyed the freedom that came with stating down my demons by facing them instead of running, Piece by piece everything started to come back. I am laughing and smiling again, and my mind was so positive again along with my body. I am really blessed for all the support I got from turning point along with my family, nobody was more hopeless than me, nobody more aimless or tortured or imprisoned by his own bad choices. I made it out of my own terrible darkness and into this bright light.
My dad being an addict once told me that it’s a shitty world out there a real shitty world and I being a user as well bought into that saying it was not till I cleaned my mind that I realized it’s a great world.