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On a daily basis I am asked questions about Addiction. With so much information out there, it can still be very confusing for one to find an answer that fits their specific question.  Sometimes these questions come from family members, concerned friends, employers, fellow employees, Physicians’, counsellors, clergy, School Principals, Associations, Police Officers, Lawyers, and just about every walk of life.

The reality is Addiction affects everyone. There isn’t anyone who doesn’t know someone who is addicted. It might be your neighbour, school friend, secretary, boss, son, daughter, husband, father, mother, brother or sister. They may or may not be asking for help.

The confusion lies in what to do.

With so much contradictory information out there, who do you trust.

I don’t have all the answers, but I am a good listener and a good researcher….. I speak to those in recovery, those actively who are actively using, those that are trying to help them with medical or non-medical support, and those that are enabling them and preventing them from reaching for help.

Some believe that they just have to want it bad enough to get the help they need and others believe that their “sick” minds will preventing them from accepting the help, even when it is right in front of them.

So I have been asked to address some of these questions and hopefully provide you with my twist on what I might see as a solution to your dilemma, or offer some feedback that encourages you to make some changes, or lastly to have you maybe look at an alternative way of dealing with the situation that you keep finding yourself in.

I guess I can be Good Cop and Bad Cop….I want you to pretend for a minute that I am in your kitchen and we are having a cup of tea and just chatting about life.  As a friend, I will listen to your question and give you my honest answer. You can take it or you can leave it. No harm, No Foul.

I thought I would share a couple of standard questions that are presented to me on a daily basis, just so we can get the ball rolling and you can digest my answers and see if I am the type of friend that you feel comfortable being honest with……. and if so, then forward your question to my column “A CUP of T”

Question:

I suspect my son is using drugs. He is 21 years old and lives at home with us. He has been hanging out with some new friends and is very angry all the time with us. He yells and screams that we aren’t giving him space and we are causing him to be angry. He is not working and sleeps all day and goes out all night. I wait up for him as I am worried and cannot sleep until he gets home. When he is home, he stays in his bedroom. What should we do?

Answer:

Ok he is 21years old and ruling your home with his schedule. He has a right to his own friends, his own schedule. BUT you have right too. I would suggest you sit down with him and tell him what your house rules are. No-one lives anywhere for free. Friends would not put up with this for sure. He needs to work or be in school. If he is not working then he needs to be focused on obtaining a job… any job and in the interim…he needs to volunteer. He needs purpose! He also needs to share in the household responsibilities. Lastly, I would also suggest purchasing a few drug kits. (in case one gets spoiled) and asking him to do a urine test as you suspect he is using drugs. Outline to him that “your” home is drug free. If he refuses to do drug test…. then he must leave. If he tests positive, then you need to figure out how he is going to get some help.

Question:

My husband just got charged with a DUI and is in jail, what should I do to help him.

Answer:

You cannot fix the problem. Only he can. You can be there to support him if he chooses to get some help with his drinking… but that is all. Do not baby him or believe that he has learned his lesson and will never drink again. He needs help with his addiction and must be open to seeking help. Provide him with options for treatment and then see what he does. He needs to want this more than you do.

Understandably when I speak to people of the phone, it is not as black and white as these answers, but I think you get the gist of my message.  So, please forward any questions or concerns that you might have to me and I will do my best to provide you with a honest and open answer. I invite you into my home for a Cup of T

written by Tammy Francoeur

Cultivating a more ’spiritual’ life can lead to greater peace of mind, less stress and better health.

Stress has long been associated with increased risk for illness including serious health problems such as heart disease. The reason? Stress, particularly if it is chronic or prolonged, can weaken the immune system. It can also lead to excessive use of alcohol and drugs which decreases productivity, depression and a lower quality of life in general.

While a certain amount of stress is inevitable (and to some degree, it can be argued, a positive force for motivation), healthier lifestyle habits — such as regular exercise, a nutritious diet, adequate sleep and strong social connections — can help you to manage dangerous levels of stress without using alcohol or drugs as a means of lessening your level of stress.

Another way to relieve stress, experts say, may have something to do with spirituality. While studies on the effects of religious belief and prayer on health and healing have produced mixed results, experts say that living a more ‘spiritual’ life can lead to better stress relief and overall mental health.

Spirituality defined

So what exactly is spirituality? While it can mean different things to different people, at its core, spirituality is generally thought to be what helps to give a person’s life context. It is not necessarily connected to specific religious worship or belief, but instead is the sum total of a person’s individual value system, connections with others, and search for life’s meaning. Spirituality can be manifested in a variety of ways including religious observance, meditation, prayer, family life, nature, music or art.

How is it good for you?

Spirituality offers a myriad of benefits for stress relief and overall mental health. According to the Mayo Clinic, it can help by:

Providing a sense of purpose. Cultivating your spirituality can help you define what is most meaningful in your life. And if you are able to identify and stay focused on what’s truly important to you, it becomes easier to put things that are less important in perspective and thereby, reduce stress.

Facilitating a connection to the world. If you feel you have a purpose in the world, you’ll feel less isolated and solitary, even if you’re alone. Feeling a part of a greater whole not only provides a sense of inner peace, but it also helps you to release responsibility — and worry — for things you have no control over.

Expanding your social support network. Whether you express your spirituality by attending a church, mosque or synagogue, in your family life, by volunteering in your community, or by taking walks with a friend through nature, this sharing can help to build and strengthen relationships. Strong social connections have been linked with less stress, as well as improved health and longevity.

Leading a healthier life. People who consider themselves spiritual are not only less stressed, but they appear to be able to heal faster from illness and addiction.

Ways to cultivate spirituality

Looking for a more fulfilling spiritual life? Try these 4 tips:

Seek inspiration. Read inspirational books, stories or essays to help you evaluate different life philosophies. Try to connect with others whose spiritual lives you admire — and don’t be shy about asking questions about how they found their way to a more fulfilling spiritual life. Keep a journal to record your thoughts and insights.

Think positive thoughts. Even during difficult times, it’s important to try to maintain an optimistic outlook and to see the good in people and in yourself. Studies have shown that people with a ‘positive emotional style’ are not only happier, but do better at warding off stress and illness. Try to focus on positive steps to find solutions to your problems, such as talking to a trusted friend or advisor.

Reach out to others. Life, at times, can seem overwhelmingly busy, but make it a priority to nurture your relationships with family and friends. Contribute to your community by volunteering. If you’re feeling anxious or stressed, don’t suffer in silence. During difficult times, it’s particularly important to reach out to your network of friends, family, co-workers and other people for practical help or a sympathetic ear.

Practice relaxation techniques. Get in touch with your inner self — and reduce stress at the same time — with good relaxation techniques such as yoga, deep-breathing exercises and meditation. Or simply give yourself a relaxing evening by turning off the news and your cell phone, and tuning into a good book or your favorite relaxing music.

These are just a few thoughts and suggestions to consider instead of turning to alcohol or drugs. As well these are options to use to maintain your recovery from addiction.

Brenda Herzog B.A.Psych.,ADLC, Bs.SAAC

*information source Mayo Clinic studies on stress and addiction